and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
