I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
