White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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