He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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