I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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