Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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