If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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