Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
