Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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