i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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