just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
