I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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