Betty ford says i'm here all night
Small penises have feelings too.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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