An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
