I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
