Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
