and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
