Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
