just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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