just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
