this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
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