She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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