Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
