She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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