I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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