the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
