Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
