girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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