Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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