Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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