i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize