Your tits are I can't wait for
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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