no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
