I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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