My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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