I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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