I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
