I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
