I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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