it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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