So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hotel room ftw
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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