she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
