I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
