just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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