thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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