i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
