I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
