how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
