I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize