my phone needs a breathalizer
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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