Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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