Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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