i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Your cock deserves a montage
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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