Umm I'm too high to move.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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