I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
