I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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