This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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