Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
