Cold hands, warm shart.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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