Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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