I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
