It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
